Tag Archives: aging

Targeted By A Cougar

Gloria dancing with her boyfriend. Photo Credit: Examiner.com

Gloria dancing with her boyfriend. Photo Credit: Examiner.com

Last Saturday, my friend’s love interest basically said (and I’m paraphrasing), “Gio, you have quite an old soul. I can see you dating older women.” My jaw dropped. The thought of me and an older woman is like a teacher scratching the chalkboard. It was quite disturbing. But what exactly did she mean? Was she trying to imply that women at my age aren’t mature and thus, I needed a far older women if I wanted compatibility? Was she trying to imply that my love for all kinds of music, especially that of Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, and the more modern Michael Buble had somehow aged me? Little did I know that her prediction may somewhat come true.

So yesterday, I caught up with one of my favorite blogs, “Just A Guy Thing.” And it just so happen that on that day, the writer wrote about the Cougar phenomenon. For those that aren’t familiar with the term,  “cougar” is an older woman who dates younger men. On September 1 in Palo Alto, California, the first-ever national Cougar Convention was held. Gloria Navarro, 42, won the title of Miss Cougar America. And she’s quite the experienced cougar, dating men as young as in their 20s. You know what that means? She dates pretty much guys my age! But she definitely isn’t the only one, as evident of the convention. All across America, cougars are on the prowl.

Lyn Berry, 58, dances with Pfc. Leo Alley, 22 during the convention. Photo Credit: San Francisco Gate

Lyn Berry, 58, dances with Pfc. Leo Alley, 22 during the convention. Photo Credit: San Francisco Gate

But why are they on the prowl? People like actress Demi Moore, 46, married to actor Ashton Kutcher, 31, has become an icon for the cougar community. Perhaps writer Melinda Maximova puts it best when she writes, “A younger man represents the youth women fear losing, and the fun they may have already lost. When a woman was 25 an older man was more attractive.  He was strong, confident, paternal and powerful. But as a woman ages she views older men as a little tired, boring perhaps, and grasping at youth, pathetically, just like… Well, she sees herself and doesn’t like it” (Examiner.com). I think it’s pretty much the same reason older men tend to date younger women. Aging scares people, and the thought of being with someone youthful is in a way, making them youthful. So maybe the Fountain of Youth isn’t really a fountain, but dating a young person. Now, various shows about cougars are making their way to our TV screen. Vivica A. Fox hosts, “The Cougar,” a cougar version of “The Bachelorette.” And Courteney Cox plays 40-year-old Jules Cobb in “Cougar Town.”

So where does a cougar come into the picture for me? Last night, I went for a run around Westwood, keeping my promise to you and myself that I will get down to 160lbs. I was “warming down,” walking, and sweating everywhere. And that’s when I heard it–a wolf whistle. Now, I assumed it was a guy my age who just saw a beautiful girl walking around the corner. As I looked back, it turned out to be a brunette woman, perhaps in her mid 30s commenting on how strong my arms looked and how cute I was. Then she touched the side of my right arm and went on her way. Was this unwarranted attention? Heck ya. Did I feel uncomfortable? Heck ya. Did I feel good that someone commented on how I looked good? Heck ya. Was she drunk when she saw me? Maybe. It was the evening. As I walked back to the frat house, I couldn’t help but laugh. This is what women must feel when they receive wolf-whistles from guys. And wait a minute, was I just sexually-harassed?

I wonder if older women who date younger men hate the term that’s been given to them. Cougar. Is it a derogatory term? Maybe they like it–it sounds powerful, like a lion. Is there a term for older men who date younger women? I can’t think of any on the top of my head. Maybe because it’s just a normal thing to see–so normal in our society that when women do it, it’s sort of looked down upon. Now, is it a societal concept for men to date younger women or purely a biological one? Maybe, it’s a little bit of both.

According to the Scienceblog article, “Older Men Chasing Young Women: A Good Thing,” it is a necessity for the survival of the species. Cedric Puleston, doctoral candidate in biological sciences at Stanford says that it’s part of evolutionary theory because when our reproductive lives are complete, then we die. To put it more simply, Puleston says, “a man’s fertility is contingent on a woman’s fertility.” Men can produce millions of sperm, whereas women can produce only a limited amount of eggs to be fertilized. Thus, the younger the woman, the more healthy her egg is to be fertilized.

So where does this leave me? Is age really just a number? Maybe. Will I date an older woman? Umm…no–it’s just not my thing. However, I did come to  compromise and I could see myself with someone 2 years older than me at the most. Now, will I watch Courteney Cox in her new TV show? Probably–she’s so funny!

But that’s my identity as a 23-year-old revealed. Got a lot more maturing to do.

Photo Credit: Examiner.com

Photo Credit 2: San Francisco Gate


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My Experience With Two Women


Photo Credit: Artchive

For most people, Labor Day is spent on the road, whether it’s traveling to Lake Havasu  or San Diego, or driving down to the mall to shop with that great holiday savings. My family is definitely not an exception. We had quite a day spending breakfast together at McDonalds, leaving flowers on my sister’s grave, and driving all the way down to Ontario Mills Outlet store to do some mild shopping (I ended up buying NOTHING!) Then, my mom said she had a surprise for me. She wanted to set me up with two different women. And I, being absolutely horrified of mom playing matchmaker, reluctantly said “Yes.”

We ended up driving all the way to Alhambra. So I was quite surprised that we pulled up to the Renaissance Theater driveway. Walking slowly to the ticket counter, my mom bought some tickets. So I said, “Where are they?” My mom looked at my dad, then back at me. Then, she let out a huge laugh, and said with an Indonesian accent “Surprise!” as she pulled out three tickets. I was dumbfounded–I didn’t understant what she was trying to surprise me with. Then, I looked closer to the tickets and it turned out she bought three tickets to “Julie and Julia.” The two women she wanted me to meet was the movie she had always wanted to watch as a family. If this isn’t an FML moment, I don’t know what is anymore.

So I sat there in the theater disappointed that I was tricked and outsmarted by my mom into watching this chick flick, but relieved at the same time that she hadn’t set me up on a blind date (as some Asian moms tend to do). But as I continued watching the movie, I laughed more than I thought I would. Sure, it’s no “I Love You Man,” and it didn’t have jokes that most guys love (crude homor, violence, etc.) but to see the lives of these two women from two different time periods played out, I couldn’t help but be amazed that it was all based on a true story. Although Megan Fox wasn’t in it,  at least it does have one thing guys love: all the delicious food scenes–after all, it’s the way to man’s heart.

The movie did well portraying the different eras through the costumes and the technology that was present at the time. Take for example, carbon copy and the typewriter back in the 1950s. I am so glad for the copier and the computer and Microsoft Word! And better yet, I no longer had to explain what blogging is to my mother. She now understands what I do! But I definitely recommend this movie to everyone! I think you can also appreciate the challenges that both couples go through to keep a marriage together. It’s very anti-Disney story-book love! Real marriage takes lots of work!

Now Julie (the main character who’s based from a real life persona that wrote the book that the movie is made from) has given me a new passion for writing and blogging. As I continue to write about societial issues being revealed, I’d like to write a little bit more about my identity–perhaps more about my identity as someone trying to lose weight, gain muscle, and look leaner and meaner. You may think that’s a bit self-centered of me, and I have to admit, it may actually be. But I’d like to write about my transformation and my quest of getting back my high school abs. I know others can relate. And just like the main character approaching 30, at my current age of 23, I’m getting a whole lot older and those abs may never come when I hit 30 at this rate. So perhaps others would encourage me along this journey. I don’t know. But that’s what an adventurous journey is, isn’t it? The thrill of not knowing?

I now know for sure that my mom is quite tricky, and quite clever. Perhaps that’s where I got all that from.

Photo Credit: Artchive

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