Oh 24

 I’ve been trying to prevent myself from turning 24, trying to tell the sun not to shine tomorrow, to be locked in an infinite loop or at least skip the 8th of May. Birthdays used to be fun, but since my sister died, it’s a painful reminder that I celebrate one more year without her. God, has it really been almost 3 complete years?

People say that time heals all wounds. I don’t think that’s how it works. Sure, the wound may get closed, but I think it can easily open up again and get infected. And if it doesn’t open up again, then it heals into a scar. And scars remind you about where you’ve been, what you’ve survived. I think I’m at this scar stage. I know my sister’s in a better place, but it still doesn’t cover up the fact that there are events I feel I’ve missed out on: her prom, her graduation, etc. How selfish of me to use the word “I.”

So now, the 8th of May has finally arrived. It marks the 3rd year without her. And I am now 24. I’ve gained another year of life, of experience, and hopefully, of wisdom—I’m thankful to God.

Still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I’m not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

There’s an exercise that I do whenever I get so emo. At least, I try to remember to do it. I think about all the thinks God has blessed me with and so it makes this birthday much more bearable. It’s not a complete list—I don’t think I can count ALL God’s blessings—He blesses us abundantly.

  1. I’m thankful for my parents who continue to support me in all that I do, especially through prayer.
  2. I’m thankful that I graduated from my dream school-UCLA.
  3. I’m thankful that God provided me with an awesome accountability partner who has quickly become my best friend.
  4. I’m thankful for amazing friends.
  5. I’m thankful that I’m able to use my talents.
  6. I’m thankful for church and fellowship.
  7. I’m thankful that I’m part of a group that wants to defeat the horrors of human and sex trafficking.

There’s so much to be thankful for…

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4 Comments

Filed under Life

4 responses to “Oh 24

  1. Thanks for sharing, bro. Praying for you in this time. And know that God has much more for you, yet!

  2. dthanja

    … my heart goes out to you, my friend on reading this posting of yours. It has special resonance because years ago, I lost my younger brother, who was also my closest friend. I loved him, cherished his place in my life, and relished the positive influence his joy for life had on me. He was only eighteen when he died/was murdered, so finding a way to close the wounds took a long time… In some ways, his death splintered my family, we all seemed to “deal with it” in private ways, never truly finding a way to come together to share our grief.
    I say all that, Gio so that I can also say time and God will find ways to help you heal. You seem for me to be in an exceptional place for a twenty-four year old. The things you have achieved, the obvious gifts you possess, are all blessings that God wanted YOU to have… no one else. Hold on to that. I too continue to think of my brother as being in a much better place and part of the way I make peace with his passing is through “giving my life and living my life.” I’m always on the lookout for that opportunity to try lifting someone up, to say something that might make a difference in someone’s life. For me, each year without my brother is a reminder that he would have wanted me to fully embrace life… like he had. He would probably tell me that he’s with me all the time, looking out for me, laughing with me, crying with me…
    I hope you will find your way to healing and to an understanding that even though your sister is not here in a physical sense, you have the heartfelt memories of the times when she was to draw strength, hope, courage, and love from…

    Peace

    • Gio

      thank you for your encouraging words! they have helped a lot, as i could see that what you have/currently are experiencing is almost exactly what i have/currently am experiencing with my own family. i too, am sorry for your loss.

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